Thursday Night 17/11/11

The $26.00 Fare that Turned Into a $100.00 bill

Wednesday night I picked up this soldier heading back to base after a night out on the town. He was pleasant, easy to get along with and coherent. He had mentioned that he had been drinking since early afternoon and was quite drunk. He didn't seem drunk to me, but as we headed down the highway I could see his head starting to bob up and down. I engaged him in conversation just to keep him from passing out, but his words became more and more slurred as the conversation went on. He also started talking about things that had nothing to do the topic we were discussing. He kept sliding off on different tangents.

By the time we got to base he was a babbling idiot that was making no sense at all. He had no clue as to what he was doing or where he was or where he was going. 

Just inside the gates we were stopped by armed soldiers on some sort of security roadcheck exercise. The guy holding the rifle asked me for my drivers license, which I produced. He gave it the once over and passed it back. He then asked the babbling idiot for his I.D. and was met with threats and abuse. The idiot asked the soldier what rank he was and the soldier came back with "I'm a corporal sir"  The idiot pointed a finger at him and said "I am a master corporal soldier and I can jack you up for your attitude!" 

I just rolled my eyes and thought to myself here we go...we're gonna get held up here for a couple of hours while this guy makes a complete idiot out of himself. But the corporal just told another guy to "hold this vehicle here for one sec"

He walked away and was talking to another armed soldier who seemed to be in charge of the other guys that had rifles. He came strutting over to my cab put his face in the window and looked at the idiot. "You are a master corporal?" 

"I am"

"Well I am too and you threatened to jack up one of my men?"

"Well I was just trying to make a point to him that his attitude was way off base and he shouldn't be holding us up from our task at hand"

"And what is your task at hand?"

"I want to go to my shacks and go to bed"

"We would all like to go to our shacks and go to bed, but unfortunately our task at hand is checking I.D. card for everyone that enters this base...and that means you"

So the idiot finally clued in and started going through his wallet. A short time later he produced his military I.D. and they let us pass.

I got him to his shack and I quickly found out the moron had no money. I pulled out the handy dandy debit machine and the idiot proceeded to go through Enter pin #, select account from which the money is to be taken out of, select the type of tip...either percentage or flat rate in dollars or no tip.

After trying 3 times and being declined by his bank 3 times I was starting to have my fill with this guy. I suggested we go back out to the main gate of the base to the canex store where he can try the bank machines. He thought it was an "outstanding idea". At canex we found the doors locked so I came up with another "outstanding idea" which was to go to the mall where a 24 hr. bank machine is located.

Once we hit the mall, I told him that I have done all the running I was going to do and if he wasn't successful with this bank then we would have to go to the next step. He asked what the next step is...I told that when I don't get money from the military guys I go to the military police. I also told him that he was on the clock at the rate of $1.00 per minute, he said "Fine"

He fumbled for the door handle and got out of the cab. As he was staggering towards the bank, I called the military police and told them of the situation. He told me that since I was off base they had no jurisdiction, but if I get him back onto the base then they would certainly see what they could do.

I was calculating the time it would take to get this guy squared away and on my way back to the city, gas up and cash out so I could go home. I was expecting this guy to be maybe 5 minutes at the bank machine, and when 10 minutes clicked by, I was getting a little yantzee. But then the clock hit 15 minutes and then 20 minutes!

I jumped out of the cab went into the bank machine and there he is sitting in the corner playing a game on his cel phone!! I almost lost it!! I told him to get into the cab and promised to take him to his shacks. He looked at me and smiled and said "Oh it's you!! I thought you left"

Once on base and after clearing the security exercise...again, I took him straight to the military police headquarters and parked in front of the main doors. within 30 seconds two of the biggest, roughest looking men I have ever seen came lumbering down the sidewalk and opened my passengers door.

My passengers jaw dropped into his lap! he immediately started stuttering and trying to explain what was happening. He got so flustered he actually broke down and started crying. The two MP's just sort of looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. They didn't know what to do.

After 10 minutes they figured out what unit he was with and who to contact. They ended up calling his captain and getting him out of bed. 20 minutes later this guys captain shows up with a briefcase and asked me what the total charges were. I contacted the dispatcher to get a final price and he told me that the $26.00 fare was now a $100.00 bill.

The captain looked at me and said "I will put a $10.00 tip on top of that and I apologize on behalf of my subordinate" He smiled and then told me that all he needed was a receipt so the comptroller can take it out of his next pay. I wrote him a receipt he apologized again and took the idiot by the arm and helped him out of the cab.

There's no doubt in my mind that this guy will be tapping toes with his captain by sun up the next day!!!

PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE